oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
