So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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