OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize