Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
