You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
