oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
