his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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