dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
