she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize