Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
