i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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