Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
they're like a gay fantastic four
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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