He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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