Im at strip club and am horny
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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