when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize