I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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