You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
