Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
