Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
home. puking in laundry basket.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
