I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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