Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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