You smell like stripper and shame
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize