There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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