Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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