i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
