dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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