I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
