I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
