yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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