So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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