I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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