I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
