His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
