I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize