Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
