I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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