remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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