I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
