You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
