he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
