I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
