College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
