Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
