i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
