I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
