don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
