Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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