i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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