This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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