I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
