After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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