I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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