i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
