No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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