Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
