We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
