Swine flu. Run for my life!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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