too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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