There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
