...so i touched it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
