I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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