just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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