Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
