So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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