My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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