Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
