I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
