I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
