i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
