I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So squirting runs in the family.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
