he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
