I just saw a hot homeless man
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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