6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She's JV to your varsity
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize