Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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