Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
