i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
