if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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