After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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