I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
