Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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