Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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