If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize