I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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