apparently the secret to your success is patron
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
