So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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