i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
