This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize