I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
